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Figuring out who you are is harder than figuring out who someone else is. Just ask yourself. -Me Don't talk to yourself with your mouth full -Me Hear everyone out. Listen to the ones that matter -Me Save the environment today, else your children will have twice as hard a time saving it tomorrow. -Me Foreplay is a way of telling someone, hey, you're really hot -Me Masturbation is a way of making believe you're having foreplay with someone that's really hot -Me Cigarettes are a horrible final act in pleasuring someone you care about -Me Listen to the people that truly care..for only they will point out your flaws. -Me Be free with your spirit..before someone tells you that you should be. -Me Dont think, just feel. The heart is a terrible thing to waste. -Me I was thinking maybe that again, but i don't know if it'd be ickyishly redundant -Me Love, Love, Love, what more is there?? -David J. Matthews I was just wondering if you'd come along to hold up my head when my head won't hold on. -David J. Matthews Find your inspiration, it's deep inside you, amend your situation, your whole life's ahead of you. -Boyd Tinsley A friend is always good to have, but a lover's kiss is better than angels raining down on me -David J. Matthews If you hold on tight to what you think is your thing, you may find you're missing all the rest. -David J. Matthews The future is no place, to place your better days -David J. Matthews ..where every step I took in faith betrayed me -Sarah Mclachlan Got enough guilt to start my own religion -Tori Amos sometimes I hear my voice and it's been, here, silent all these years -Tori Amos feeling old by 21..never thought my day would come -Tori Amos So you can make me cum, that doesn't make you Jesus -Tori Amos I think there are peices of me you've never seen. Maybe she's just peices of me you've never seen. -Tori Amos Some die just to live -Eddie Vedder I don't think I'm better than you, but I don't think that I'm worse -Ani DiFranco I change, by not changing, at all -Eddie Vedder There is so much more to finding out how we forever simply feel -Jon Anderson Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The world is a fine place..and worth fighting for", I agree with the second part. -Morgan Freedman "Seven" No fuckin' shit, lady..do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?!?! HEAR IT! -Bruce Willis "Die Hard" We're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny FUCKIN Kay! HEAR IT! -Chevy Chase "Christmas Vacation" ...sack of monkey shit he is!! Hallejuiah..and holy shit!....where's the tylenol? HEAR IT! -Chevy Chase "Christmas Vacation" I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. HEAR IT! -Rick Moranis "Spaceballs" How many assholes do we have on this ship? HEAR IT! -Rick Moranis "Spaceballs" What's the matter Colonel Sanders? Chicken? HEAR IT! -Rick Moranis "Spaceballs" Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb HEAR IT! -Rick Moranis "Spaceballs" If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit! HEAR IT! -Doc Emmett Brown (C. Lloyd) "Back to the Future" Crazy isn't being broken, or swallowing a dark secret..it's you or me..amplified -Winona Ryder "Girl, Interuptted" Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice Phoebe: You don't play the oboe. Mr. Heckles: I *could* play the oboe -From "Friends" No..you're STUPID. -Monica from "Friends" why why, why why, why. Why would you do that?? -Chandler from "Friends" Chandler: He's whaaaa-paaaaa! Joey: What?? Chandler: Whipped. You know, whaaaaa-paaaa! Joey: That's not whipped. whaoo-psheeee!, is whipped -From "Friends" Chandler: Come on, this is ross..remember when he fell in love with carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck? Rachel: WHAT did you just say? Chandler: ....*thinks*.....crystal duck Rachel: no..no, no..the 'love' part Chandler: *nervous* fl..flug..flannin' -From "Friends" Janice: I bought you something.. Chandler: Is it loaded? -From "Friends" -Joey just slept with a stripper, wakes up, and looks around for her- Joey: Hey....*thinks of name*...stripper -From "Friends" -Rachel and Monica quickly trying to think of what Chandler's job is- Rachel: Oh! Oh! He's a transpons..transponster! Monica: THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!!! -From "Friends" -Chandler half-naked handcuffed to Rachel's boss's chair, as the boss is walking out.. Chandler: You better come back soon!...or there's pretty much nothing I can do about it! -From "Friends" -Phoebe's dollhouse burns down- Ross: No Phoebe, don't look under there! Phoebe: Oh oh my god! The foster puppets! -From "Friends" When everyone is out to get you, paranoia is only good thinking. -Dr. Johnny Fever "WKRP in Cincinnati" Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.' -Homer Simpson "The Simpsons" It's not easy being green -Kermit the Frog There is a growing tendency to think of Man as a rational being, which is absurd. There is simply no evidence of any intelligence on the earth. -Marvin the Martian He's queerer than a three dollar bill! -Adam Buczko What we've got here, is a failure to communicate -The boss "Cool Hand Luke" Every man dies, not every man really lives. -William Wallace "Braveheart" Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You keeled my fatha. Prepare to die. HEAR IT! -Inigo "The Princess Bride" Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up: This... is my BOOM STICK! -Ash "Army of Darkness" Good ... Bad ... I'm the guy with the GUN! -Ash "Army of Darkness" Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. -Han Solo "Star Wars" They send you here for life... and that's exactly what they take. -Morgan Freedman "The Shawshank Redemption" I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey who's conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope... -Morgan Freedman "The Shawshank Redemption" Can you hear me!? -Johnny Depp "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" You're not portugeuse! -Johnny Depp "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" We can't stop here! This is bat country! -Johnny Depp "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" Donny, you're out of your element! -John Goodman "The Big Lebowski" Is this your homework, Larry?... Larry, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!... Little prick, stonewallin' me! -John Goodman "The Big Lebowski" Software is like sex...it's better when it's free -Linus Torvalds ...if it's a hobby for me, and a job for you, why are you doing such a shoddy job of it?" -Linus Torvalds on Microsoft and software development The best way to predict the future, is to invent it -Alan Kay (Father of OO Programming) If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done -Scott Adams Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure. -Eric Allman Anyone who has never hacked sendmail.cf has no soul. Anyone who has hacked it twice has no brain. -Peter Silva VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use Unix. -W. Davidson Too many errors on one line (make fewer). -Apple's MPW C Compiler ...And the lord said, 'lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement.' -Apple's MPW C Compiler Windows '98 is so similar to Windows '95 because Apple hasn't invented anything worth copying since 1995 -Jakob Nielsen Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.. -Oscar Wilde You shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.. -unknown After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.. -Aldous Huxley This will prove a brave kingdom to me, Where I shall have my music for nothing -Shakespeare (The Tempest) Don't use the telephone. People are never ready to answer it. Use poetry. -Jack Kerouac Treat a man as if he were what he ought to be and you help him become what he is capable of being. -J.W. von Goethe (1749-1832) If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. -Mary Kay Ash You must do the things you think you cannot do -Eleanor Roosevelt To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there is no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other -Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullshit. -Prof. H. Hill The way up and the way down are one and the same. -T.S. Eliot. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -Woody Allen (1935- ) Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity -The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, by Robert Heinlein Close doesn't count in baseball. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. -Frank Robinson (1935- ) I don't know. I've never smoked AstroTurf. -Tug McGraw, upon being asked whether he preferred grass to an artificial surface. Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one. -Thomas Jefferson. (1743-1826) ..You have to dance like no one is watching and love like it's never going to hurt. -Susanna Clark If it weren't for smartasses, what would keep a dumbass busy? -Unknown Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today -James Dean Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary. -Robert A. Heinlein Masturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing--and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's lonely. -Robert A. Heinlein Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. -Robert A. Heinlein Between two evils, I always choose the one I've never tried before. -Mae West (thanx llo!) I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation -George Bernard Shaw It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it -Eyeore They're funny things, accidents. You never have them until you're having them -Eyeore We are each of us with only one wing and we can only fly embracing each other -Luciano de Creschenazon The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind -Humphrey Bogart The more things change, the more they suck. -Butthead You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on -Dean Martin Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein It is true that some lawyers are dishonest, arrogant, greedy, venal, amoral, ruthless buckets of slime. On the other hand, it is unfair to judge the entire profession by a few hundred-thousand bad apples. -James D. Gordon III, The Washington Post If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor. -Groucho Marx Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing -Redd Foxx The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards. -Alexander Jablokov I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. -Unknown I don't want parole; I'm too busy working on my web site. -Charles Manson, 3/27/97 Called up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms regional office and asked, "What wine goes best with an M-16?" The guy who answered did his best to be helpful: "That depends. What are you smoking? -Michael Maciolek Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'president', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'... -Alexi Sayle |
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