10:00pm
Feeling kind of down today. I really need a companion on this journey. I'm like totally past desperation. I passed desperation about a mile back. Right now I think it's called "lost". Not much is certain. And as I think about making decisions, i'm looking at, like, 20 decisions down the road. "Well, if i do this, what will this do for me? what will I lose? how will I feel?" It's funny, that while I'm expecting and hoping for unexpected change for decisions, I'm also afraid of it. I have to make more decisions now than I ever have. And if you know me, I'm not a decision maker in the least. I've been a follower.. but no longer, I suppose.

DMB Tour season is over. It was awesome, as always..and there's already hint of a tour for next summer. Congrats to Dave and Ashley on their new babies, twins.

Since last time, my company has merged. The company they merged with made me an offer for a position there, more money, benefits, blah blah..I turned it down after I saw how dirty their auras were. Yeah, dirty auras. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it! So jobless, and now in a position to finally move, plans are slowly underway for a tentative move to San Diego in January. The tearing question in my soul has been.. am I moving because I hate it here?, or am I moving in hopes of things being better there somehow? I don't know. But what haunts me is this quote from "The Beach".. "Desire is desire, wherever you go. The sun will not bleach it, nor the tide wash it away."
Til' then I've been relaxing, making a LOT of trips up to Starbucks in W-B for lattes/mochas, and hoping for some angel to step out of the darkness. *smirk*

11:41pm
A few weeks ago (06/2001), I lost my whole current web page due to a server hard drive failure. I'm still trying to retrieve the data somehow, but until then, the last backup I have is a YEAR old.

So be aware that my whole site is temporaily (I hope) out of date. If you're looking to read all my poems (which obviously aren't all here now), including the latest and greatest, download my first chapbook "Puppets on the edge" (in Word/Wordpad format) here

12:56pm
Pondering chinese for lunch. Pondered it yesterday but ended up with Taco Bell somehow. Yeah, I know, it's too early for me to eat lunch. 3pm would be my norm.
Me and charissa went to see my sis in allentown last night. Browsed the mall, I got bitched at for buying an extra large t-shirt, with them claiming i'm too skinny for one (regardless of how much it'll shrink). What can I say, extra large just feels real good. deal :-P
Then we drank coffee and stuff at starbucks in the B&N.

11:30am
Just all of a sudden got a lets-write-in-the-diary urge. I suppose it's like a random thought, but I'm gonna think of it as a random urge..because I can :P Came up with some a new word this weekend. Pornify and a derivative Pornification, I think there was another one, but my memory fails me.
Rented 2 movies, "10 things I hate about you" and "Cool Hand Luke". 10 things was good, love Julia Stile's character..definately my kind of woman. I love the line by William, "the shit has hitteth thee fanneth". classic.
Went out with Nora and friends on Friday and had adult-type beverages, much laughter, and mmm, green sprees..
Read some dr. seuss to elisa on the talker, and that's about all I can remember

10:33pm
I really miss Jenny.
There's no good reason to keep her here on my ICQ list..but I can't bear to take her off.
Maybe it's because I can know she's there. I can't message her, so what's the point!? ARGH! I just want jenny rose back.

11:14pm
I went to Colorado to see my friend Jenny.
She gave me a Pooh bear.
I came home.
I dont have the Jenny anymore, but I still have the Pooh bear.
I huggle the Pooh bear sometimes.
I can feel her in there.
Odd.